Fifty Shades: Hard as Steele
by reverie.withme
Summary: This story follows a thirteen and fourteen year old Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey as they try to find love, acceptance, and restoration within their very messy, dark, and tangled relationship. When Ana finds out that Christian needs the one thing she's been pushing away, will their love be able to conquer or will they leave each other more broken than when they first met?
1. Prologue The Course of Change

**Prologue** :

 _January 13, 2003_

I'm sick today and mom had to go back to Montesano to deal with something she said was, "only concerning adults." I wanted to go and see Ray but, she reminded me I'll see him for the holidays and I can't wait. Steve walks in from the kitchen holding soup with a smile on his face; something about him is different, his eyes are dark, mischievous even.

"Ana, turn around and let me rub this vapor rub on your back. It will help you breathe better."

Mom does this for me all the time so, I turn around as he lifts my shirt and I could instantly feel his cold hands against my skin. He rubs slower than mom, massaging the medicine deep into my back with slow circular motions.

"I need to rub it on your chest too."

"That's ok Steve, I can get-"

"Ana we're family now, I'll do it so you don't have to get up to wash the medicine off."

I'm hesitant but he moves closer, cornering me on the couch. He pulls the collar of my shirt down and rubs my chest, his eyes are on the spot he's massaging and with a grin, his hand slips and touches my breast; he looks nonchalant and apologies but, there's something about his eyes that don't connect to his words. I scoot away and pull my shirt up, closer to my neck. "That's enough," it's barely audible and I'm not sure if I said it aloud or in my head.

"Ana, do you think I keep your mom happy?"

"Yes, why?"

"I want to keep her happy but, I'm sick."

"Did you get my cold?"

"Not like that sweet baby." He points at his head, "in here Ana, my mind is sick. I need to make it feel better so I can continue to keep your mom happy. Will you help me?"

"What do I have to do?"

"Nothing, I just need you to lay down."

I shake my head 'no' quickly and get up from the couch. What is he asking from me? I need to get out of here, my intuition is screaming danger. If I can just call my mom and tell her what he's asking from me, what he's telling me. I stand and he grabs my arm, tight.

"Ana, you don't want your mom to go through another divorce do you?" I stop in my tracks. "I don't want to have sex with you Ana, I'm no monster. I just want to look at you."

He tied me up that day, dug his nails into me just hard enough to barely break the skin. I had red streaks all over my back, my legs, and my stomach. That wasn't even the worst part, it was his breathing, the smell of his cologne on my body when he was finished. It was the way he moaned when his nails dragged against my flesh; that moan is the sound of the devil. As time passed he'd find every opportunity to tie me up again; he grew in confidence and he would sometimes smack me, never on my face though. When he was feeling particularly 'sick' he'd whip me with various items and only found his release once my skin started to tear. Sometimes when he didn't have a lot of time he'd spank me, he lived for watching my body respond to his abuse.

I tried and failed to tell my mom a thousand times what Steve was doing to me, the secret was tearing us apart. I could no longer stomach her happiness, I blamed her smiles on Steve's actions and her laughter became my undoing. Would she still be happy if I told her? Steve said she would choose him and if I told her, she'd hate me. I believe him, as crazy as that may sound; my mom wants to be in love so badly she makes rash decisions, never thinking anything through.

"Bye Ana! I'll be back around six tonight, make sure you get ready for school tomorrow."

I've never been so happy about school in my life, I finally get to get away from Steve and his sick version of pleasure. I hear the front door close and footprints slowly closing in on my bedroom door. I always keep my door locked but that only makes him angry, last time he broke the door off the hinges and came the closest he ever was to stealing away the last bit of my innocence.

"I should shove myself inside of you!" He had me pinned to the ground as he took my pants off. "Is that what you want sweet Ana?!" He hissed in my ear as he pulled my panties down to my knees. I couldn't scream any louder, I begged and pleaded for him not to, I offered every and anything else. "Shut up Ana! Are you going to lock the door again!" The words came out as a demand rather than a question, his manhood pressing against my buttocks.

"No! Please, I won't lock the door again, I promise! Please Steve!"

"That's right sweet baby, scream my name again."

With slow, gentle thrust I could feel him slowly going in and out of my cheeks without fully inserting himself inside me; I counted the ticks of my alarm clock; 1, 2, 3... 10... 17 minutes later his body started convulsing, pushing harder against me until I felt his hot seaman between my cheeks. I cried so hard that night my body hurt.

When I heard him right outside of my room I shook the memory away and quickly unlocked the door just as the handle started turning.

"What are you doing Ana?"

"I was just writing, making a list of what I need for school tomorrow." He trained me not to look up at him, he never wanted to see my face.

"I feel like your lying to me sweet baby." His voice to anybody else would have sounded gentle, nice almost. I knew better, I knew him better than anybody and before I could assure him that I wasn't lying, I felt the sting of his belt buckle against my back. I screamed in surprise and pain as my knees hit the floor.

"You know how I feel about you lying Ana!"

The sting of the belt went lower as the buckle smacked against my spine; I bit my lip to suppress the cries, if he hears me he'll hit me harder.

"I'm so sorry Ana, you know how sick my mind is. Clean up and go to sleep, ok?"

With those simple words, Steve was out of my room and back to watching the game and sipping his alcohol. I could feel the blood running down my back as I got up, the shower was brutal and it took me longer to get ready for school the next day but still I smiled; tomorrow school starts and everything will change... I just never imagined how long it would take or how much that change would effect the rest of my life.

 **CHAPTER ONE:** _The Course of Change_

The last bell of the school year rang and kids were practically stampeding each other to get to their bus, cars, or start walking home first. I took every chance I could to walk as slowly as possible. I'll miss the bus on purpose and mom, although complaining and yelling, will pick me up on her way home from work; anything to not spend time with Steve. My whole school year was homework, books, and finding new ways to avoid my mothers husband. The holidays were always the best, Ray came to see me on my birthday and we spent an afternoon at a restaurant talking, he bought me a few books I've already read but didn't mind reading again. Thanksgiving and Christmas were the best, I didn't have to worry about Steve or trying to hide the scars and bruising from the sick torture Steve put me through every chance he got. My back held new scars every week; rope burns, bruises from the whips and canes, my backside a constant shade of red from his slaps, and his scent, stained on my skin to constantly remind me of the shame and abuse. New Years Eve was the worst day of the year, mom had to work all day so, Steve was able to do as he pleased with me, slowly, painfully. I shake my head to dismiss the memories and slowly start to clean my locker.

"Anastasia!"

I freeze and can sense my mothers annoyance behind me.

"Ana, dear!"

Maybe not as annoyed as I thought? I turned around and she's holding a piece of paper with a big smile on her face. After our argument this morning, I expected her to start yelling at me as soon as she saw me. I had planned to spend the summer with Ray however, mom informed me that I'd only be seeing Ray for a couple weekends throughout the summer, 'you seem so comfortable with Steve, we just don't have the money to keep sending you to Ray. You and Steve will be able to have fun together this summer.' Steve laughed aloud and agreed, 'I have so many plans for you sweet Ana.' I was furious and with a sudden and out of character outburst, my mother and I started in the biggest fight we've had since my 13 years on this earth.

"Mom? Is everything alright?"

"Ana, I thought about this morning. I'm sorry I yelled at you like I did, I should have been more understanding of how upset you would be."

"No, it was my fault mom. I was just so excited to see Ray."

"Well, I've come with a peace treaty." I looked at her with confusion as she showed me the paper she was holding. "They built a new youth center near downtown. They have a bunch of different summer camps and programs-" I couldn't help the smile etched across my face, I don't even care what type of club it was, as long as it got me away from Steve. "... I'll drop you off on my way to work and pick you up on my way home. I just got a promotion so I finally get weekends off. We can spend the weekends as a family and Steve just got a job so, he'll be busy most of the time. Maybe, we can finally spend some much needed girl time." I grabbed her in a hug and start weeping.

"Oh, mom that sounds perfect!"

On the way home I looked at the paper again trying to find out what club she said she signed me up for. 'Young Book Lovers' and 'Imagine It: The World of Young Writers.' I was in such a good mood, seeing Steve didn't even bother me. The next day I woke up to mom burning bacon and running around the kitchen like a mad woman; I couldn't help but laugh at the scene unfolding in front of me. When Steve doesn't cook, I cook, or we order take out, anything but let mom in the kitchen.

"Do you need help?"

"Oh, good morning Ana! Are you ready to start you first summer camp? You have 'Imagine It' for the first part of the summer and then the other one for the next summer."

I nod my head and look around for Steve, he's missing and I couldn't care less where he went. I helped mom finish up breakfast and then we were off to the Youth Center.

"Good morning! Carla? Please, call me Grace."

"Yes, Grace it's lovely to meet you and this is my daughter Anastasia."

The woman shook my hand and I couldn't help but smile at her, she was beautiful and spoke in the most gentle, sincere voice I've ever heard.

"Mia, come please."

A girl around my age walked up with a big infectious smile on her face, she shook my hand and introduced herself.

"Mia Grey, are you here for 'Imagine It?' I begged mom for a cooking course the first half of the summer but, she insisted I did something to expand my mind. I only took this course to get out of karate-"

"Mia please, walk with Ana to your classroom, make sure she feels comfortable. I don't want to hear any more of karate."

Mia grabbed my hand and started walking toward a hallway on the opposite side of us. I turned and waved bye to my mom as Mia carried on about karate and how her brother will be in this course because, he wants to meet a smart girl to help him with his homework. I couldn't help but laugh at he facial expression when she said it. She talked about a million words per minute and had this self confidence that was extremely rare in young girls our age. We finally got to the classroom that was already filled with about 11 other girls and 4 guys. Nobody seemed to notice us as we sat at a conjoined table that had two seats right next to each other; she was still talking when an older man walked in and placed some books on the table, he looked at Mia and cleared his throat but she didn't seem to notice. I tried to tell her but was conflicted with interrupting her.

"Mia, please!" His voice was loud but he was far from yelling. Even with a stern voice he sounded very gentle. He laughed as she apologized and I turned a bright crimson as the room turned to look at us and giggled. "Either write something worth reading or-"

"do something worth writing." The words came out before I could stop them and the class looked at me. Mia had a big grin and nudged me to go on, "Benjamin Franklin."

"Good guess or an avid reader?"

"Avid reader." I could feel the heat on my face and a guy with a big grin was staring right at me, he nodded then turned to look at Mr. Carrick.

"Guess you found your favorite, huh dad?"

Oh no, Mia's brother? I looked at him just long enough to notice how handsome he was, then I quickly turned my attention at my fidgeting hands. I could rewind time to stop myself from speaking so blatantly. I can hear Mia giggle and sense a rush of relief as her dad gives us a little assignment and Mia starts talking about the cooking course she takes the next half of the summer.

"Did you sign up for another course?"

"Young Book Lovers."

"Really? Wow, you really do love to read! My other brother Christian is going to be doing that course, that is if he doesn't plan on spending all his time at Mrs. Lincoln's house."

Mia said the name with such disgust I couldn't help but laugh.

"What's wrong with her?"

"I can't really put my finger on it but, there's something I don't like or trust about her. Christian, my brother acts so different around her, it's like he's a robot."

"Maybe he likes her?"

"Eww, she's so old! She doesn't look it though, I'm sure she has a plastic surgeon on speed dial!"

"Mia!"

We burst into a fit of laughter, she told me more about her brother in our course, Elliott and how he jumps from women to woman like their an Olympic sport. She also told me about how her and her brothers are all adopted. I told her a little about me too, how my mother is such a hopeless romantic that she can neglect me sometimes. I'm not sure why I feel so comfortable with Mia, maybe it's because she's the only friend I've made since the year I've been here or maybe, it's her energy. She's so enthusiastic about everything, it's hard not to share the same reaction to things. She told me about her life, the places her family has traveled to, the international chefs she's been able to meet, concerts she's been to; it wasn't hard to figure out she's unimaginably privileged.

The day seemed to be rushing past us, before I knew, we were at lunch, laughing and gossiping. Mia likes to read too so, we talked about books and thought of different actors who would play the lead in our favorite books. By the time we were in our seats again, Mia was already on a whole new subject.

"I like talking to you Ana. Your not like my friends at school, they never talk about books and sometimes, I'm pretty sure they only want to be my friends because I come from a family with money. They judge so quickly and harsh, I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them, it's nice to feel like I can be myself."

"I feel the same way to. Not many kids at my school are trying to get to know me." I force out a nervous laugh and when I look up at her she has a huge grin on her face, her eyes are bright and her mouth open to say something but she stops herself. "What's wrong?"

"I was wondering, if it's not weird I mean, would you like to come to my house? If our parents say yes, I mean. We can have a sleepover and I can show you some of my book collection. We even cleared out the fire pit the other day so we can make some s'mores!"

I probably said yes a little too quickly but, I don't care. My mom was more than happy to let me go with Mia and her parents seemed please that Mia and I got along really well. It's funny how quickly your life changes; I could have never guessed that I was about to be swept up in a storm of love and confusion, heartache and lust or that meeting one person was about to question everything I knew in my heart to be right and wrong. One single person would soon be my undoing, be the person who would teach me that everything isn't black and white and that sometimes, the only way to survive is to walk that Grey line.


	2. Chapter 2: The Reminder

**CHAPTER TWO: The Reminder**

Mia's house is huge, the yard is big and it has the perfect view of the water and Seattle. I was right about Mia, she is extraordinarily privileged. She grabbed my hand and as soon as we walked into the house she nearly dragged me upstairs to her room, dropping her stuff on the floor near the bed and turned on some music.

"Mia, dinner will be ready in 30 minutes please get ready!" Her moms voiced echoed through the great hall and up the stairs and over the music. Mia rolled her eyes and leaned against the door frame.

"Yes, mommy! I'm just showing Ana around." With no respond, Mia started showing me some of her books, first edition classics. I gawk, wide eyed, impressed, and with a hint of jealousy.

"Where did you get these?" My hands gently, barely run across the cover of Robinson Crusoe, I'm sure if I press any harder the book will crumble at my uncoordinated finger tips.

"My grandpa bought them for me for my 10th birthday. You should see my brother Christians collection, he's the reader of the family."

"Christian? He didn't seem like the book type. I suppose he didn't join the club just for the girls though."

Mia laughs, loudly, holding her stomach. "Oh no Ana, that was Elliott, you'll meet Christian at dinner. Remember, he's the one helping at the Lincolns today, he takes his summer course with you the next half of the summer. Elliott is the one looking for some 'homework help.'"

"Oh yea, the plastic wonder!"

"The first generation barbie!" We share a laugh and come up with some more creative names for Ms. Lincoln, 'the science project' and 'the plastic Frankenstein' were some of our favorites.

Once we hear Mrs. Grey yelling for us to get ready, Mia shows me the bathroom to wash up. When we're finished we head downstairs and I see a young boy around my age and an older woman, beyond beautiful walk in. Her body is too perfect not to have had some surgical help; I totally get why Mia says her plastic surgeon is on speed dial. Maybe I'm being too judgmental. her hair doesn't look naturally blonde either, she must be graying. I stifle a laugh and follow Mia downstairs.

"Hi Mrs. Lincoln, Christian, this is my new friend Ana."

"Hi dear, lovely to meet you."

I shake Mrs. Lincolns hand and say hi to the boy but he doesn't look up, just a barely audible hello before he goes upstairs. What a strange guy, maybe he had a hard day. Mrs. Grey walks from the kitchen and makes small talk with 'too blonde' before she leaves. I hear her asking how Christian was but couldn't hear the answer before Mia pulled me into the dining area.

Mr. Grey and Elliott are sitting at the table, big smiles talking about the Seahawks and how the Mariners didn't do too well the past season. I recognize sport talk from Ray and his buddies, they used to crowd around the living room and talk about all the Seattle teams. I remember how heated things got when Mariners went to the playoffs in 2001. Ever since then, Ray starts the beginning of the season the same way he did in 2001. My heart aches at the idea that he's home alone, I miss him so much. I try to focus on the conversation between Elliott and Mr. Grey, anything to distract me from Ray.

"How about you Ana? You watch much sports?" Mr. Carrick snaps me back to the now.

"I used to read in the living room while my dad and his buddies watched the Mariners. He's convinced if he does his 2001 ritual, they'll go back to the playoffs." The table laughs and the strange boy walks to the table and takes the empty seat next to me.

Mr. Grey says a prayer and we start to eat the fish the maid prepared. It was delicious, I'm not sure what type of fish it was; you can tell it was fresh, perfectly seasoned, the side of potatoes and greens complimented the main course well. I'm not sure how these people aren't fat if they eat this well all the time. Mia asks Christian to pass some crescent rolls and as I grab the bowl from him, my sleeve rides up and I catch Christians eyes on my rope burns. I hurry and pass the rolls to Mia and look back to evaluate Christians expression, I hope he doesn't think I hurt myself. As I turn to face him his eyes are already on me; those gray eyes, God obviously took the time to chisel his face to perfection. I feel my face becoming crimson again but I can't tear my eyes from his and I can feel an energy between us, some unspoken force that keeps trying to pull us together. He leans back a little and I can see his Adam's apple slowly move down then back in place; he feels it too, I know he does. Those gray eyes, bright and dark at the same time, unnerving; I'm sure he see's right through me and I feel like he knows my deepest darkest secrets and surprisingly, there's something familiar in his eyes, almost like I know his secretes too, as if we share the same dark soul.

"Hi, I'm Christian." His voice is breathy, barely audible.

"Anastasia." I tried for more but nothing came out.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Anastasia."

I hear Mia take a sharp breath in and I know all eye's at the table are on us. I see in the corner of my eye Grace smiling.

"Are you guys going to kiss?!" Elliott's obnoxious voice breaks our connection and Christian gives him a face that threatens death.

Grace scolds him and Mr. Grey changes the topic back to sports. Christian is talkative now, explaining why Seahawks wont have a great season this year. The maid walks out with strawberry shortcake and cool whip for dessert, simple but so good. As soon as my dish is clear, Mia grabs my arm and runs upstairs to her room, closing the door behind her.

"What was that?!" The question comes out as a squeal.

"What are you talking about?" My eyes dart to the floor and my skin blushes.

"Oh no you don't Ana, you know exactly what I'm talking about." Her voice goes to a whisper as we hear someone walk past the room. "C'mon, what happen between you and Christian?"

"Mia," I give her a scolding look, "you were right there, nothing happen."

"The way you guys were looking at each other, I know you felt something!"

I turn to hide my smile, remembering those eyes, those bright but dark gray eyes. Then the feeling of being indisposed comes over me, he knows my secretes, I can sense it.

I woke up and Mia was still asleep. We talked about everything last night, she told me more about her adoption and what her brothers and her were like when she was younger. We talked about boys, well, she talked about boys. We don't have very many things in common but, we seem to connect despite our differences. She likes to talk which is ok because, I prefer to listen. I look over at her on the other side of the bed and I slowly crawl out and make my way into the hall. I hear Mr. and Mrs. Grey talking and laughing downstairs, I think they're the only ones awake. I can smell coffee and bacon that just started cooking. I look around trying to remember what door was the bathroom, somebody must be using it because it's usually open. I turn around to walk back into Mia's room when I hear the door open and the light from the bathroom lighting a dim path to Mia's door.

"Anastasia?"

I turn around and see Christian standing there, hair still wet from his shower.

"Christian?" he really does looking amazing, slim but strong, really strong; especially for his age.

"Good morning, how did you sleep?"

"G'morning, I slept good, thank you. How about yourself? I thought I heard you moving around even after Mia finally fell asleep, around one this morning I believe."

"Yes, I have a hard time sleeping sometimes."

"Oh, I know how that is."

"Do you have nightmares?"

Like you wouldn't believe, "yes, some nights worst than others."

"And last night?" His look is captivating, I can't seem to look away from his eyes.

"No, no nightmares last night."

"Good to hear, I'm surprised your up this early. Mia usually sleeps in until 8 during the summer." He glances at his watch, "about two more hours."

Well, that's disappointing, I'm not real sure what I could do while Mia is sleeping, maybe read one of her books.

"Oh? Well, I'm sure I can-"

"I'm going down to the water to get a couple rows in before breakfast, would you like to join me?"

"It's not too cold to go out on the water this early?"

"You didn't bring a jacket?"

"I have a sweater?" I'm not sure why that came out as a question. He looks a little annoyed, maybe at me not having a jacket; it's summer, he should be surprised I have a long sleeve shirt. Maybe he was just being nice and wanted a quick yes or no.

"I have a heavy hoodie you could wear."

"I'm not sure that's a good idea, I wouldn't want Mia to get up early and not see me around."

"We'll be back before she wakes."

I suppose a little while with Christian wouldn't hurt maybe, I can give him an excuse to my rope burn; I know he saw it; maybe that's why he wants to take me out, ask about my marks. Maybe I should stay here.

"Anastasia?"

I look up and he looks puzzled, I bite my bottom lip and take a deep breath. "Just let me take a quick shower and get ready. I'll meet you downstairs?"

He nods and opens a hall closet and hands me a loofah and two towels. I look at both towels confused. "One is a wrap around for your hair." He laughs a little and walks into his room, closing his door behind him.

It doesn't take me long to get ready and I'm downstairs in twenty minutes, as I walk closer to the kitchen I can hear him telling his parents our plans. His mom seems happy, not the reaction I expected.

"Make sure your back before Mia wakes up and don't stray off the property."

"Yes mother."

I walk in and say good morning, they greet me back and offer me some fresh squeezed orange juice. Perfect, just like everything else in this home. I wish I could stay longer, stay away from that devil preoccupying my mothers bed. I shake the thought from my head and follow Christian out the back door. He hands me a Nike hoodie; he leads me to the boat house and grabs some life vest off a rack near the door. He wasn't lying about this hoodie being thick, it's warm and smells like him; the most intoxicating smell, I couldn't resist pulling it over my nose and taking a deep breath in. It smells so good, a hint of cologne, laundry detergent and Irish Spring soap and that unique smell of Christian. I hurry and pull the hoodie down as Christian turns around to face me, I notice him trying to hide a smile and I look down at the ground as my face turns bright red.

"Let me help you." He opens the vest as I slip my arms through and he buckles me in and pulls the tab until its tight around my body. "Too tight?"

"No, just right."

He looks up and our eyes lock again, that similar feeling grows between us, engulfing us in silent need and desire for one another. I want to know more about you Christian, I want to know everything; I want to tell you my darkest secrets and a part of me knows that one day I will. He leans in closer, his body heat radiating on me- pulling me into him, I close my eyes, waiting for his lips to touch mine; suddenly his body heat is pulled away from me and I jerk my eyes open.

"Anastasia I ca-"

"Ana, please."

"Ana, I can't do this. I'm sorry.

"No, it's ok. I just thought we had a moment."

"We did, it's not you its-"

"Me. Yes, the line every man uses when the two clearly knows its the girl."

"No, really Ana. Things are complicated for me right now. I want to, you have no idea how bad I want to."

I look up at him, locking eyes again.

"Then why don't you?"

He presses his forehead against mine and his eyes are close as if he's in a pain, battling some type of internal demon and losing.

"I, I just can't Anastasia"

"Ana."

"I love your name," he pulls away from me and opens his eyes to look at me again, "let me call you Anastasia."

"OK." I say in a whisper.

"Christian?" We hear Mrs. Grey from the house and look back to see her standing near the back door. "Is everything ok?"

"Yes mom, we were just talking. I'm taking Anastasia out now."

Christian pulled a small row boat out and onto the water, he takes my hand and helps me find my balance as I get in; he carefully gets in after me and turns so we're facing one another.

"Don't I need a paddle thingy?"

He looks and laughs at me.

"Not this time, not when you call it a thingy."

We share a laugh and he starts rowing further into the water. We spend an hour talking about each others lives. I tell him about my mom and dad, and even Stephen; obviously leaving out a lot of details. He tells me about growing up with the Grey's, how it's hard trying to live up to the Grey expectations. We even talk about our plans growing up.

"Grey Enterprise Holdings. GEH for short. I'll live in the city, the highest master penthouse available. I'll own the world eventually, feeding the worlds hungry on my way."

"That sounds noble enough. I'm not sure if owning the whole world is necessary though." We share a laugh again.

"I never want money to be an issue. I want to be able to buy whatever I want and when."

"Why?"

"Because, I was never able to." His answer seems simple but there seems to be much more behind that answer. "Your turn, what is your dream path?" He leans back and looks at me with that already knowing face.

"I don't really know, maybe I'll work in publishing and eventually retire to the woods."

"The woods?"

"Yeah, I'll have someone build me a huge tree house I can live in."

His eyes brighten and he can't hide his amusement.

"Anastasia, I don't think I see you living in a tree house!"

"Oh? Why not? I'll live in a tree house, just me, my books, and the man who took the time to build me my dream living space."

"I better get to work then." His smile is infectious and I day dream of a day that Christian and I are in the middle of Washington's forest; high above the ground, sipping tea and reading to each other. "Anastasia, what's this?" He takes my arm and pulls my sleeve up, revealing the rope burn. My face blushes bright again and I look away, if I don't look, I wont remember how I got them.

"I was trying to get something from my garage and I had to move a gym rope. I thought if I wrapped it around my wrist, I'd have a better grip to pull it. I wasn't completely wrong. I managed to move it a little." I smile, trying to pretend that I was remembering a memory of it. It takes him a moment but eventually he smiles back at me.

"You look like you'd struggle with a gym rope." He squeezes my arm jokingly and starts to row back to the house. "Mia will be up and breakfast should be ready soon. Will you be coming back this weekend?"

"I don't think so." I look at him questioning why he asked, he looks at me shaking his head.

"I know you felt it Anastasia. Yesterday, this morning, and right before we got on the water. I felt it so, I know you felt it too."

"What do you suppose it means?"

"I don't know but, I'd like to find out."

"Oh? Why?"

"A part of me feels like I've known you my whole life, I've never felt this way and I'd like to know why."

We get back to land and I help Christian put the boat and our life vest back in the boat house. We walk to the house and before stepping in, he kisses my cheek and slowly he runs his finger down my cheek to the bottom of my chin and lifts my head so I'm staring into his eyes.

"I'm sorry about earlier. Thank you for keeping me company this morning but, things are still complicated with me. I want to know everything your willing to tell me but, I can't promise you the same favor."

"Why Christian? What are you hiding?" He backs up, he looks shocked, scared almost. He just shakes his head and walks into the house without another word to me.

I just don't understand him, why would he want to know everything about me without being willing to tell me about himself? Before I can get angry, Mia comes skipping into the kitchen.

"Good morning, I thought you left before I looked out my window and saw you and Christian in the row boat." She winks at me and I can't help but laugh.

I walk past her and into the dining room, sitting at the table. "Nothing happen Mia."

"Mhm, of course nothing happen." She laughs a little then looks at me with the most serious face she's had since I met her. "He seems to like you Ana, this has been the happiest I've ever seen him. Don't mess that up, ok?"

"I don't want to but Mia, there really isn't anything there to mess up." Is there?

"If something does come up though, don't get involved if there's a chance he could get hurt." Her face goes from serious to a sad expression. "He's been through so much Ana, he doesn't need something else in life hurting him."

I wonder what she means maybe, I can get her to tell me more before I leave.

"Mia, if something were to happen, there's a higher chance of me getting hurt." I turn my head remembering the almost kiss from the boat house. I know I don't have any experience but, I didn't know things could be so complicated you can't kiss someone.

The rest of the Grey's enter the dining room, taking the same seats as the night before and we have a breakfast full of laughter and jokes, Christians not as talkative as last night though. I wonder if he's thinking about this morning, he looks more depressed then earlier though. He sure does change his mood a lot, it's like a tidal wave of emotions around him. When breakfast is over, Elliott and Mr. Grey get up and excuse themselves, saying bye to me as they leave the house. Mrs. Grey goes into her home office to do some paper work and Christian, Mia and I are in the living room with the TV on. A few minutes pass when there's a knock at the door and the maid leads Mrs. Lincoln into the living room, Mrs. Grey comes in just a few moments after. They talk about something 'too blonde' needs Christian to do and as he gets up he looks at me, apologetically. Whoa, why is he sorry? Maybe because of earlier this morning? He stands next to Elena, that's what Mrs. Grey called her and looks down at the ground. Why does he do that? He was like that yesterday when she dropped him off too. I look away from Christian and to Elena whose already staring at me as if she doesn't approve, she doesn't even know me! I stare back, reflecting her glare and she finally turns to Mrs. Grey with a fake flashy smile.

"I'll have him back by five tonight."

"It's only past 10 Elena, what could you possibly need him for so long?"

"I could bring him back sooner. I'm just so determined to get that rock fall in. If Linc would just spend some more time home, he could help poor Christian."

"Oh, ok Elena. Well try not to work him too hard. When you drop him off we might not be back yet. The kids have their summer programs"

"Nothing he can't handle. I can drop him off later?"

"No, can you drop him off at the center?"

"Sure, of course!" She turns to leave and looks at Mia and I, "have a good day ladies."

I suddenly have an awful taste in my mouth, there's something about that woman I don't like. She reminds me of someone; I can't put my finger on it but she's dangerous, dark.


	3. Chapter 3: Truths

**Chapter Three: Truths**

Mia and I were in the back of the classroom working on our short stories when a bunch of the girls starting whispering and giggling. Every time Elliott walked to another table they'd start doing this, it was much louder this time and it was really starting to irritate me. I'm already having a hard time concentrating on what to write, what is so complicated that Christian couldn't kiss me? I don't know why I'm so fixated on that, that's a lie; I wanted him to kiss me and I know he wanted to kiss me so, why didn't he just kiss me? I look down and see the scribbles on my paper, lines, hearts, a small picture of a beach, and my little tree house with two stick figures reading what looks like a brick but, it's supposed to be a book.

"Whose the other stick figure?"

I jump and turn around to see Christian, bright eyed with a huge grin on his face. I glance at the clock, one.

"What are you doing here?" I try to take the goofy, airhead smile off my face but it wont budge.

"I got done early, your not hot in that long sleeve?" He says hi to Mia and takes a seat on the other side of me, I look around and Mr. Carrick is looking at us smiling, all the girls are gawking in disbelief that Christian is sitting next to me; I turn red again and quickly turn around concentrating on my doodles.

"No, I get cold really easily."

"So, whose the other stick figure?"

I look at him with a knowing smirk and he laughs. We talk about my lack of story that I'm writing and what he was doing with Mrs. Lincoln; I know he's lying about it, I don't know why he feels like he needs to though. I try to bring up his work with 'too blonde' again but he quickly changes the topic, I get he doesn't want to speak about it, I just don't understand why.

"Sweet Ana?"

Am I breathing? Please tell me I'm hearing things, I hear Christian and Mia call my name, asking who that man was.

"He's my step dad, is he walking over here?"

"Anastasia, what's wrong?"

"Is he coming over here?!" The words came out a lot more harsh than I expected, I'm in full blown panic mode when I feel his hand slide on my shoulder and he leans down to my ear, I can't blink or move, and all of a sudden I feel a hand in mine, Christian's; I didn't realize I was squeezing his hand and all of a sudden Christian is standing between Steve and I.

"Hi, Christian."

"Christian? Are you a friend of Ana's?" He shakes his hand, more for territorial reasons than manners.

"Yes, she spent the night with my sister Mia."

"Well, I'm just here to take Ana out for lunch," I feel his hand on my shoulder, forcing me to turn around but, I don't look at him. He'll hit me if I look, a force of habit that he engraved in me; I remember the day he tied me up, he always hit me harder when I looked up.

"Oh? That's too bad, my sister and I were really looking forward to get to know Ana some more. Maybe you can eat lunch with us?"

"Oh, I don't know-"

"That would be a great idea, she's one of my favorite students in here, I'd love to know where her love of books came from."

Carricks voice was a sound of salvation, my breathing started coming back slowly and my body naturally started to relax. I could hear Steve agree but only I can sense the irritation in his voice, the new found disgust in the Grey family and all of a sudden a hand was on my shoulder; I panicked for a moment until I realized it was Christian. I could hear Carrick ask Steve about the Mariners as he led him upfront, I looked back to see them out of ear shot and I turned to Mia.

"Do you think I can stay at your place tonight?"

"Is everything ok?"

"Yea, do you?"

"Of course Ana, I would love to have you over again. I was going to ask you anyways."

I take a deep breath as my body fully relaxes, I know Christian is looking at me but I ignore him and go back to my first sentence. Wow, I really need to get on this story, I have no idea what to write about though.

"Ana, what-"

"Hey, thanks for that." I turn to look at him, "taking the abuse of your hand I mean." I smile trying to be nonchalant and joking but, I can tell he's not buying it.

"What was that about?" He's whispering so Mia doesn't hear but, I can tell he's mad.

"So, Mrs. Lincoln didn't need any help after twenty minutes?"

"I told her I wasn't feeling well and I said that so I can come see you. You, you," He's running his hand through his hair in complete exasperation and I know I struck a nerve. "We'll talk later." He stands up and walks over to Steve and Carrick just as Mr. Grey tells the class to dismiss for lunch. I grab my stuff and before I get a chance, Mia grabs my arms and pulls me back on the chair.

"Ana, friends tell each other things."

"Yea?"

"What was that about? Why did my brother have to rescue you from that man?"

"Mia, that's my mothers husband and Christian wasn't rescuing me."

"I know my brother Ana and I know what it's like to be afraid of someone. Why are you afraid of him?"

I take a deep breath and look at Mia, she looks desperate for answers, lost even.

"I want to tell you Mia, I really do. I just can't talk about it here and you have to promise not to tell anybody. Nobody." I lift my pinkie up in the air and she rolls her eyes but grabs it with hers.

"I promise, nobody. Just tell me one thing, are you ok?"

"It's complicated, I'll tell you everything tonight."

"Sweet Ana, are you ready?" My body tightens again as I feel Steve's hand on my shoulder, he's slowly caressing it; Mia is eyeing him with a look of complete disgust. We get up together and meet Christian and Mr. Carrick at the door, as we head to the lunch area I see Elliott wrapped around some girl from our class and I try to hide my smile. He really does jump from girl to girl, I wonder why, I wonder if Christian is like that too?

"Sweet Ana," I look down as Steve closes in on me. "I missed you last night, your mother has to work late tonight so we get to cat-"

"Actually, I'm having a lot of trouble with this whole creative writing thing, I was hoping Ana could stay the night again?" Mia to the rescue.

"No, I think Ana's mom would really like to see her again."

"She can call, the phones in here."

Before Steve can respond, Mia practically threw me inside the main office and calls out that we'll meet them in the lunch area. I pick up the phone and call my mom's work number, I hope she say's yes. God, please let her say yes. I finally get through and when my mom gets on, I ask if she wanted to spend some more time alone with Steve; I've learned to use her love for romance in my favor. She quickly say's yes and then rushes me off the phone. I turn around to Mia and nod my head as we squeal together in happiness just as Mrs. Grey walks in. Mia quickly asked her mom who said yes and then we slowly made our way to the lunch area. I was glad to see Steve sandwiched between Mr. Carrick and Christian and Mia and I took our seats on the other side of the lunch table. The guys were already talking about stocks and had food already waiting for us when we took our seats. There were times when Steve spoke to me but I kept my head down, even in the safety net of the Grey family I was afraid to break those unspoken rules between the devil and I. Lunch for the most part went ok, we were about to walk in the class when Steve grabs my arms and pulls me aside; Mia and Christian stop and look at him.

"We'll be in momentarily, just wanted to say bye." I can tell they don't want to leave me but Carrick tells them to give us a moment as they walk in the classroom. "What the fuck did you tell them?!" He drags me to a janitors closet and pushes me inside, he doesn't waste any time to pull my pants down and pin me against the wall. "If you tell them Ana, I'll convince your mother to move away from your precious new friends, your bastard Ray, everybody! Do you understand me Ana?!"

I feel one swift slap against my cheek, then the other; his hand slides down and undoes his belt quickly, within seconds I feel the snap of the leather against both cheeks.

"Bend down Ana," he hurls me over a mop bucket and again I feel the snap of the belt, two, seven, eleven times and he finally stops, breathing heavy and panting as he loops his belt again. "Good girl Ana, now wipe your eyes and go back to your class. You better come home tomorrow, you hear me?"

"Yes." I try to keep my composure but, as soon as he leaves I pull my pants back up and break down.

"Ok Ana, what's going on?"

"Nothing."

"You haven't been the same since your step dad talked to you. What happen?"

"Mia, I can't." I turn my head to try and hide the tears, remembering Steve in the janitors closet, the rest of the day was just a blur. I don't remember what Mr. Carrick was talking about, I haven't looked at Christian and I was quiet on the ride back to the Grey's house. I know I should say something but, I know my mom, she'd do anything to make Steve happy. I can't move, not when I finally feel like I belong somewhere.

"Ana please, just talk to me. I'm worried about you."

"Mia, I can't. You don't understand. Please."

I must look desperate because she just sighs and changes the subject to swimming, there's no way I can go swimming so, I'm not real sure why she's bringing it up. A half hour later I'm wrapped in robe next to the dock watching Elliott and Mia splashing each other in the water. I can't believe she has a drawer of bathing suites she never wears, or that all of her bathing suites or two pieces or that she convinced me to go swimming with her and Elliott, this could only get worse if Christian showed up.

"You going in Ana?" A voice from behind me startles my thoughts, of course it's Christian, he must have sensed my discomfort and came to make me even more uncomfortable.

"Uhm, I'm not sure."

"Your not embarrassed about your body are you? Trust me, you have nothin' I haven't seen!" Elliott shouted at me as Mia dunked his head in the water.

"Just ignore him Ana, we all do. Come on in, the water is perfection!" I glare at Mia and then back at Christian, he already has his shirt and shoes off as he dives off the dock. I watch for a little while how perfect they seem and how easy Christian fits in, although something seems different about him, more mature. After a little while of splashing around, Mia asks if I want to go in the kayaks, I politely decline as her and Elliott take off for the boat house. Christian plops down next to me, dangling his feet in the water and looking out into the distance; the sky is turning into the perfect hues of purple, pinks and blues as the sun seems to now be sitting on the edge of the earth, slowly disappearing behind the great water.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"If that was caused by a gym rope, why is it on both arms?

I turn to look at him, panicked and a little irritated; the marks aren't even visible, they look like little marks left by a hair tie. What does he want from me? Why can't he just leave it alone?

"Ana? What are they, I didn't buy your gym rope excuse but I let it slide. What are they from?"

"A rope." I can feel my eyes start to water and I focus on my aggravation to stop myself from getting too emotional.

"How did you get them?"

Oh my God, what does this kid want from me?! I got them from a man who likes to tie me up and torture me! I chuckle a little as I imagine Christian's face if I really just blurted the truth out like that.

"What's funny?"

"You are, why are you asking me about this? The gym rope was heavy, I wrapped it around both of my wrist." I stand up to leave, even more frustrated. Frustrated that I like him, that I want to know more about him, that I want to tell him the truth but I can't. Frustrated that he wont believe my stupid lie and that I'm getting so emotional over this! I stomp off toward the boat house when Christian grabs my wrist and turns me around. "Don't touch me! Don't grab me like that, ever!" I take a step back and look at Christian who doesn't seem shocked by my outburst at all.

"I don't like to be touched either."

"What?" I feel my body relax and now I'm a little confused and intrigued, Christian points to a few scars on his chest and turns around to show me more on his back. How did I not see these? "What happen to you?"

"I'll tell you, if you tell me how you got those." He points to my wrist, I take a deep breath but nod my head in agreement. "When I was younger, my mom lived with her pimp, he used to use my body as an ashtray."

I throw my hand up to my mouth and shake my head in horror.

"Christian, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's horrible."

"Your turn."

"My," I look around to make sure Mia and Elliott are still out in water and I gulp down my nerves, "I used to have a cousin who go his kicks by tying me up." I look in his eyes and I know he doesn't believe me. He just sighs, grabs his shirt and walks back in the house; I want to run after him but I don't. I can't stop him, there's nothing I can offer him that he wants.

The next day Christian goes to too blonde's house without saying bye, Elliott skipped out of our program and Mia and I are sitting in the back again; she's finishing her short story and I'm looking at a blank piece of paper that has a faded first sentence that I've started a dozen times and erased. We're supposed to hand them in today and get them edited for our final draft tomorrow but, I still can't find something to write. The time goes by fast and Mia and I barely talked all day outside of lunch and even then, I barely spoke. Mr. Carrick told me to write about something I know, something I can relate to. I can't believe my summer program gave me homework and even more, I can't believe I have to go back home.

"Sweet Ana!"

I see Steve walking up to Mia and I and my head shoots down quickly; what is he doing here?

"Your mom has to work late again, I got off early just so I could pick you up. I can't wait for you to tell me about your little getaway at casa de Grey." He laughs as he wraps his arm around me and forces us ahead of Mia. I hear Mia say bye but I don't dare to turn around or respond. We walk right pass Mrs. Lincoln and Christian, they both look at us but I don't dare look back. I hear Elena say bye to me and that catches Steve's attention, he turns us around and gives his best charming smile to Elena. She's all confidence talking to him, shaking his hand and introducing herself. I take a quick glance up and see Christians eyes on me, he looks angry. Angry, but why? Stephens arm tightens around me and all I want to do is run up to Christian and beg him to save me, keep me away from this devil; if I knew what Stephen had planned for me that night, I would have.

I sit down and log into my Yahoo IM account:

 **Miababy0102** **:** where have u been?!

 **Analikes2read** **:** I've been sick...

 **Miababy0102** **:** are u ok? we've been worried bout u, u should have called nd let me kno!

 **Analikes2read** **:** I know, I'm sorry.

 **Miababy0102** **:** what's ur address? I'm coming over to bring you sumthings

 **Analikes2read** **:** That's very sweet but that's ok. Are you at the Youth Center?

 **Miababy0102** **:** yes, we get to use the computer for our final paper.

 **Analikes2read** : Lucky! How have you been?

 **Miababy0102** **:** good, it's been almost a week Ana, u sure ur ok?

 **Analikes2read** **:** Yea, I'm alright. I'm really tired and my mom will be back soon, I should get off.

 **Miababy0102** **:** Christian has been asking bout u...

 **Analikes2read** **:** Really? Why?

 **Miababy0102** **:** he's been coming to the program for the last few days, hes always asking y u didn't show up!

 **Analikes2read** : Don't lie to me!

 **Miababy0102** : I swear!

 _CGrey88 has requested to chat Accept or Decline_

*Accept

 **CGrey88** **:** Where have you been?

 **Analikes2read** **:** Sick, I'm talking to your sister.

 **CGrey88** **:** Ana, what's going on.

 **Analikes2read** **:** I told you I'm sick!

 **Miababy0102** **:** are u tlkin to him?

 **Analikes2read** **:** Yes, did you give him my S/N?

"Anastasia? I brought soup, come darling."

 **Analikes2read** **:** Tell your brother I have to go!

 _Analikes2read has logged off_

I quickly log off and very carefully get up and walk to the kitchen. My whole body hurts and I have to force myself to push the memories of Steve out of my head. I look at my mom and for a second I'm overcome with anger. How can she not know? How is she so blinded by Steve that she doesn't realize how evil he is?

"Mom, I need to talk to you about Steve."

"Isn't he the greatest Ana? You should have seen him when you weren't home, he took such good care of me, he spoiled me rotten!"

I sit down at the dining room table and slowly sip my soup.

"Oh well, maybe I can spend some more time with the Grey's and he'll be able to spoil you more often."

"Ana, whenever you want to spend time with them, that's fine! However, on the weekends I'd like to have you to myself."

"Sounds good mom, I'm getting really sleepy. I'm going to lay down ok?"

I left my mom in the kitchen to herself, it hurt to lay down but, I couldn't stand being outside with her anymore. How does she not see my pain? Isn't there some type of mother intuition that makes her sense my torture? It didn't take long for my already worn out body to fall asleep.

"Ana, I've missed you so much." His voice was hoarse, sweat forming above his brows as he placed my wrist in cushioned cuffs and tied them to the bed frame. "It's summer now so, I have to be careful about your marks. Your mother was wondering why you keep wearing long sleeves. That also means I can't leave any more marks on your back. It's a shame really, I can't wait for winter to come around."

He babbled on about weather and how much he'll miss seeing the bruises on my back. He then pushed my knees up and placed them in another set of cuffs that were connected to the wrist bands. I flushed with embarrassment as my sex was completely exposed to him; I tried moving my legs but the restraints made it impossible. I turned my head to look away from him, tears silently streaming down my face.

"Sweet Ana, today I'm going to start preparing your body for my love. When you get a little older I want to be your first, do you hear me?" I nod, trying to silent my sobs. He lifts an object that looks like a computer mouse without the cord, he tell me to look at it and as I do he switches a button that makes the toy vibrate. "I want you to become comfortable with the reactions of your body."

"Steve please, no."

"Shut up Ana! I'm doing you a favor!" He leans over me and places the vibrating toy against my stomach. "You like that Ana? Tell me you like it."

"I like it." My tears are becoming harder to hide as he slowly moves down my stomach, to my hips and then around my pelvis. My body knows that it should be feeling pleasure but it rejects it.

"I want to fuck you so bad Ana, maybe I'll just take a little taste. An appetizer if you will."

"Steve no, please!" In one swift motion he grabs a nearby paddle and smacks me in my hip. I bite my lip to suppress the scream. He kisses the area where the paddle landed and then leads a trail of kisses on my hip and under my thigh, swirling his tongue in slow motions. I jerk forward yelling at him to stop when he bites into my thigh.

"I said shut up Ana! I'll fuck you right now! I'll fuck you until you learn to keep your mouth shut!" He's undoing his belt while I scream at him to stop, he climbs on top of me and pushes his manhood against my clit.

"No Steve please! Stop! Please!" I can't stop yelling and my throat is beginning to hurt. "Somebody help me! Help some-" The next minute I know, Steve fumbles higher on the bed and shoves himself in my mouth, I gag for a moment then chomp my teeth on him as hard as I can.

"You fucking bitch!"

I've never seen somebody look so evil, he grabbed the paddle and as hard as he can he started hitting me with it. There was no specific pattern, just random blows to my thighs, stomach, hips, arms, every area of my body took his abuse. I screamed and screamed for somebody to help me, anybody. When the paddle wasn't enough he grabbed a flogger and whipped me until my thighs and stomach bled.

"Help me! Somebody! Please! Somebody!" My voice started to fade, it grew hoarse until my screams were just whispers and my sobs became painful "help me please, somebody."

"Ana?! Wake up! Wake up Ana!"

I jerked out of sleep reaching for anything, anybody to help. I looked around in a panic until I realized my mom, Christian and Mia staring at me in complete shock and horror. I quickly wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to get up but the pain hit me like a sack of blocks.

"Ana, you were screaming for help, what were you dreaming of?"

I wanted to tell her, I wanted to tell everybody but I couldn't.

"I was being chased by a dog."

"That's one hell of a dog." My mom laughed it off and helped me up. "Christian and Mia brought you some goodies Ana. I told them they can visit for a little while but, not long."

As soon as she was gone Mia sat next to me and took my hand.

"Ana, I'm going to ask you one time and if you're really my friend, you'll tell me the truth. Were you dreaming of Steve?"

I wanted to say no, tell her the lie I just told my mom a second ago but, I couldn't get the words out; I just fell into her embrace and cried.


	4. Chapter 4: Save Me

*****Authors Note:** _I Just wanted everybody to know that I am reading and loving all of your reviews, thank you so much! I also wanted to take the time and clarify some concerns I was receiving about the story. Although this story takes place before the original FSoG , I wanted to try and stay as true to those characters and their characteristics that my story would allow. I also wanted to mention that yes! Ana right now is absolutely dealing with some major crisis however, I promise I have a reason and purpose for all of it. I really hope your patient and continue to go on this journey with me because I promise, the best is still to come!_

 _P.S- I'll be exploring new ways to break up paragraphs to try and make an easier and more understandable transition throughout the story, let me know what you thin and thank you in advance!_

. **.**.

* * *

 **CHAPTER FOUR: Save Me**

* * *

. **.**.

I can't remember what I told Mia and Christian to get them to leave but, I saw in Mia's eyes that she didn't believe me. Can I blame her? I've never been good at lying and I hate doing it, I hate that I have a reason to do it and I hate that I can't explain that to her. I've told mom I'm feeling better and I'm happy to go back to the summer program but, it's mostly because Steve has a day off and I'm definitely not trying to stay here with him. I hate him for what he did to me, what he tried to do to me; I'll spend the rest of my adolescent years finding new ways to avoid him if I have to. I just need to focus on school, get good grades and find a university far away from here that I can attend.

I can hear mom outside laughing, I shake my head in disapproval and lock my bedroom door. Steve wont get to me at night anymore, he can't break down my door when mom is down the hall asleep and I've begged my mom to stay with me while I'm sick. She can no longer take anymore days off and although Steve tried to convince her I'm still not better, I've used every opportunity to show her I've miraculously healed. There's been a few times I couldn't avoid him though, when mom had to run to work and Steve said he'd come home to watch me on his lunch break, he was so mad that I've been avoiding him the my old cuts have never had time to heal. It hurts to move still, I don't know how I'm going to deal with walking around and pretending to be fine around Mia all day tomorrow but, I know I have to. I slowly get off my bed, body begging me to lay back down with every movement I make to grab my laptop and sit back down.

 **Analikes2read has logged on.**

 **Miababy0102 has logged on.**

 **CGrey88 has logged on.**

 **Miababy0102 has invited you to a group chat accept or deny**

 _*Accept_

 **Miababy0102:** hey Ana, how r u?

 **Analikes2read:** I'm alright, I'll be coming back tomorrow.

 **Miababy0102:** well, thats good cause I really want to tlk to u

 **Analikes2read:** I really want to talk to you too.

 **CGrey88:** I don't know why, she's just going to lie to you Mia.

 **Analikes2read:** I'm sorry, I didn't realize you cared so much. How is Mrs. Lincoln?

 ***CGrey88 has logged out**

 **Miababy0102:** ANA!

 **Analikes2read:** I'm sorry Mia but, why is he so mad at me?

 **Miababy0102:** because u lied to us Ana...

 **Analikes2read:** You don't think I lied because I have a good reason? Maybe I'm too scared to tell you the truth and maybe I have a legitimate reason to be scared!

Oh no, why did I type that?

 **Miababy0102:** ok Ana now I'm really scared, wats really goin on?! I WANT THE TRUTH!

 **Analikes2read:** Tomorrow, please Mia. Just you and me and you have to promise not to tell anybody.

 **Miababy0102:** christian is really worried about you Ana, he asks about you all the time.

 **Analikes2read:** Please Mia, just you and me.

 **Miababy0102:** fine, but I want the truth. And u suck at lying so I'll kno if ur arent being honest with me!

 **Analikes2read:** I know. I'll see you tomorrow.

 **Miababy0102:** ok, ttyl

 **Analikes2read:** Good Night.

 **Analikes2read has logged off.**

I have to tell her tomorrow. Maybe, she can help me avoid Steve but, if she says something, I'll be forced to move for sure. I have to trust her though, I have to trust somebody. I close my laptop, place it on the floor and drift into another nightmare of stale cologne and the sting of belt buckles and floggers on my back.

. **.**.

The next morning Steve is already gone to work and mom has prepared her specialty, cereal and milk. I remember for a moment a time when it was just her and I, she just divorced Ray and although she kept her composure throughout the day, I could hear her muffled sobs at night. I don't know exactly when things got bad for them, she got bored of Ray and his mediocre way of living. He didn't want much, just a hot meal when he came home from work and the sports channel on. He was happy living life in a small town, staying in on the weekends and fishing on vacations; my mom wanted more, she always eventually wants more.

"Ana dear, come eat so we can go. Are you sure you're feeling better?"

"Almost like I was never sick mom."

We sit and eat, she asks if I'm ok with Steve; I wont lie, I'm surprised that she finally popped her head out of her fantasy love life to notice me for a change. I shake my head no and for the first time since she got married she really looks at me.

"No mom, he's ok for you I guess but sometimes, I just don't feel comfortable around him."

"Has he done anything to make you feel that way?"

Yes, of course he has!

"No, no he hasn't. Just some internal thing I guess."

She looks frustrated and I know she has more to say but she doesn't. She changes the topic to the summer program as we get clean up and leave the house. She must have a lot on her mind because she babbled on about nothing in particular the whole ride. I'm anxious to get out of the car and barely wave her goodbye as I walk into the Youth Center and into the classroom. Mr. Carrick gives me a warming welcome back as I had him my finished and revised short story from last week and I take my seat next to Mia. I can already tell that there are a thousand questions she's waiting to bombard me with and for some strange reason, I'm ok with that. Maybe I'm getting to the point where I just don't care anymore; I told my mom I don't feel comfortable around Steve and now, the thought of being asked questions about my most personal and darkest secrets from a girl I've only known for about two weeks, doesn't seem to phase me at all. I even wrote a short story about girl whose going through similar situations as me for my short story, Mr. Carrick did say write about what I know and honestly, that's all I know right now.

. **.**.

If Mia were mad at me, I can't tell. She has talked to me about the week I've missed, the girl Elliott brought back to their house and a conversation she had with Christian about me, how he feels like I need help but he doesn't know how to help me. I couldn't help but chuckle a little, if you only knew how much help I really need; my amusement quickly faded when I realized that even after she knows, she still wont be able to do much. Nobody will be able to do much, Steve has my mom wrapped around his fingers and I know that. If he so mentioned he wanted to move, my mom would be all for it; she always had a thing for traveling anyways, to be able to start fresh somewhere new would be anything but upsetting to her. I was finishing my last sentence of my creative writing piece when Mr. Carrick dismissed everybody for lunch, everybody but me that is.

"Ana, I'm a little worried about your short story."

"Is it poorly written? I did everything you taught us and checked it over about a thousand times."

"No, it's very well written, college level if you ask me however, it's the topic you chose to write that is concerning me."

Oh no, maybe writing about what I know wasn't the best decision.

"Is everything at home ok Ana?"

I want to say yes but I feel the emotions building inside me, the tears burning my eyes as I fight to keep it together.

"Uhm," say yes Ana, "uhm..." It's the way Mr. Carrick is looking at me, those piercing eyes filled with genuine concern for my well being. A man hasn't been worried about me since we left Ray.

"I saw how uncomfortable you were with Steve Ana and now this paper, I can't help but think you might be dealing with a lot more than you let on." He sits on the edge of stool so he's eye level to me, "Ana, if somebody at home is hurting you, you can tell me and I'll do whatever I can to help."

"No, I'm fine."

"Ana, I can't help you unless your honest with me."

"Please, I'm ok. It was just a paper." My voice sounds as tiny as I feel, I'm losing the battle with my emotions and I'm conflicted weather I should tell him or not. Could he help? What would happen to me? What would happen to my mom? She may annoy me but, I don't want people to think she neglected me; I still love her, she's just so blinded by love. I can't tell him, I just can't. "Everything at home is great, if I knew this paper would make you question it, I would never have written it, I'm sorry." Although he said ok and released me to join my peers at lunch, I know he didn't believe me; I wouldn't have believe me either.

. **.**.

Mia was waiting patiently for me outside of the lunchroom and we walked into an empty classroom. I started having second thoughts, maybe this wasn't a great idea; with her dad questioning my story and Christian's uncanny ability to sense everything about me, I know I'm walking on thin ice. I need her help though and I know if I tell her, she'll be able to sneak me over to my safe haven away from Steve. She's about to open her mouth when I tell her to wait, I make her promise me one last time and without another word, I quickly turn around and lift my shirt. I waited a moment when I hear her gasp, I didn't realize how indisposed or vulnerable I would feel. I quickly put my shirt back down and face her, there are tears in her eyes and she's just shaking her head.

"Ana, how-" she has the same look of genuine concern and compassion that her dad had just moments before. "Why..." she's lost for words and I wish I could help her but I don't know what to say either. "I'm so sorry."

I don't know why those particular words had an effect on me but, I just started uncontrollably weeping. Maybe it's because I can't remember anybody saying that to me since Ray, it was the day he put me in the car to leave him; maybe it was the fact that all the wrong people are apologizing. She grabs me in a hug and we both sit there, her constant muffled apologizes tugging at every built up emotion inside me.

"Ana? Mia? What's going on?" Christian's voice breaks us apart and I can tell Mia wants to tell him but she just turns away from him, wiping her eyes and a silent plea for me to tell him. I shake my head no and she grabs my hand.

"Ana please, please tell him."

"Tell me what?"

"You promised me. Just you and I, you promised!" I just keep shaking my head in disbelief that she's asking me to tell him, after she promised she wouldn't.

"Ana please, I don't know how to help you." I'm so filled with emotion I don't know what to say, I look at Christian whose slowly walking up to us. I can hear him ask Mia what she's talking about, why she needs to help and there are a thousand things running through my head. Too many people are starting to ask questions, Mia promised me, why did my mom choose Steve, why did it have to be Steve?! I can't take it, Christian is begging Mia to tell him and she's begging me to tell Christian, I just need quiet, I can't think.

"He beats me!"

The words come out of me before I have a chance to stop them and Christian looks horrified. Mia grabs me in another hug, crying but thanking me for telling him. She promising me that things will be ok and Christian is just pacing back and fourth, silent. I beg him not tell anybody, to keep this between the three of us but he keeps asking me questions, 'is that all he does,' 'how long has this been happening,' 'why haven't I told anybody.' I'm surprised with myself when I answer every question honestly; except for the first one. I can handle him knowing that he beats me but, I can't handle him or anybody else knowing that he touches me, that Steve has undressed me a thousand time and has used every inch of my body as his own sick playground.

"How bad?" I turn and lift my shirt, once again exposing the cuts and bruises, "those look like..." Christian is about to say something but quickly stops himself.

"Looks like what?" Mia asks when he doesn't continue. I can hear Christian clear his throat and I know he's thinking of something to say.

"A belt?" I turn looking at him, I know he wanted to say something different, does he know? How could he possible know?

"Yea, the big ones are from when the buckle hit me."

"You obviously can't go home now."

"I have to, I can't just stay with you guys forever."

"We'll figure something out."

. **.**.

The rest of the day quickly went past and to insure that I was going back home with Christian and Mia, Mia made up an excuse that was both practical and believable; she needed help writing her next story. My mom was more than eager to get another night alone with Steve and Mr. Carrick seemed to know more than he let on. When we finally arrived at their house, he made a joke about turning the spare room into my own personal room but, it seemed like more of a suggestion. Dinner was amazing again and afterwards Elliott, Christian, Mia and I all sat on the back porch talking and eating ice cream. I was amazed that for the first time since meeting Elliott he seemed, decent. He didn't talk about girls or saying anything obnoxious for a change and I realized that his relationship with Christian might actually be closer than Christian's relationship with Mia; I made a mental note to ask Mia about this tonight.

"So, what's really going on?" We all looked at Elliott confused and I started to panic again, he knows something, what if Mia tells him or begs me to tell him like she did with Christian? I trust Mia and Christian to keep my secret but Elliott, based on the very little I know of him and what Mia has told me, I don't think I'd trust him if he were the last man on earth.

"Ana needs to get away from her house."

"Christian!" I can't believe he just blurted it out like that.

"You don't have to tell me, it's ok. If you need help though, you can just tell me, I don't need to know the details." I was surprised at how genuine he looked, maybe it was because I've already shared more than I wanted to with this family or the fact that Christian and Mia were staring really hard at me waiting for a response but, as long as he doesn't know the details, here goes.

"Yes, I need help."

"Well, depending on how long you need to stay away. You can use Mia as your escape goat." A little offended but, let me hear him out. "She's not the brightest outside of the kitchen and since her freshman year was spent socializing and not actually studying, she's going to need a tutor. You seem bright enough, Christian and I have been studying with her on the weekends, if we stay busy, she'll need somebody else. You can hep her make up her school work so she can start sophomore year. Have you ever been to private school Ana?"

"No, my parents would never be able to afford it."

"You wouldn't have to, they give out scholarships to really smart kids or kids with really good-"

"References! My dad can get you into the school just by mentioning you." Mia seemed excited but all of this seemed pretty far fetch.

"My mom would never drive me all the way out here for school."

"I mean, we do have a spare room. I was going to use this plan on that girl Emilia in our class but, I guess you can use it." There's that obnoxious comment I've been looking for. He's right though, that does seem pretty fool proof but, would our parents actually go for? I doubt it but, it doesn't hurt to try.

"We can try but, I'm not giving my hopes up."

. **.**.

Once the sun fully set, we went inside and started up a movie, Elliott popped in Spider Man 2 before Mia and I can object and Christian walked in with a try of popcorn and an assortment of candy. I can't help but wonder what this family doesn't have; it's hard to believe there are still doors in this place I haven't opened. Mr. & Mrs. Grey remind us not to stay up late and Mrs. Grey informed me that the spare room is made up so I don't have to share the bed with Mia. Mr. Grey must have talked to her because, she kissed me on the head and told me that room was ready for me whenever I wanted. She kissed the rest of the guys as Mr. Grey winked and said good night before they retired upstairs in their room. Mia didn't stay awake past the previews and Elliott ran upstairs after his cellphone rang twenty minutes into the movie. Christian carried Mia upstairs to her room and came back down to join me, I don't know why he makes me so nervous.

"So that's why you don't like to be touched?"

"Yea... how bad did he used to beat you? You moms friend I mean."

"Her pimp, it's ok. You can call him what he was and pretty bad. I remember him hitting me so hard I'd be knocked out for hours. Do you have any safe zones?"

"Safe zones?"

"Yea, mine are..." he grabs my hand and with my index finger traces along an imaginary line below his chest near his stomach, right above his elbow but under his shoulders and turns around, "do you see that last scar near my spine?"

"Yea?"

"About an inch under that." I over guess an inch and before I even touch him I can see his body tense.

"Turn around, I'll show you mine." As he turns I lift his hands and place them on my arms, "Anywhere on my arms are ok, as long as nobody surprises me and grabs my wrist." The I put his hand on my knees, "anywhere below here. Everywhere else is pretty much off limits."

"Your stomach?" I shake my head no as I place my hand near my naval.

"No, that's off limits too."

"Can I see?"

I contemplate for minute but reluctantly decide to show him, only for a moment. I lift my shirt just above my stomach, exposing torn flesh and slowly healing bruises. I know my stomach is much worse than my back and by Christian's expression, he could have never imagined how bad it was. He asks me how far up they go and for some reason beyond me, without any response or second thought, I raise my shirt up higher, just above were my bra straps starts. I'm glad I chose to wear one today, although slowly developing, I really could pass with just a sports bra. I look up and Christian seems torn, I don't know if he's looking at my chest or at my scars.

"Ana, what does he use to hit you? Other than a belt I mean?"

"Whatever he can find really. Usually it's his belt or his hand."

"Do you know what a flogger is?" How in the world do _you_ know what a flogger is Christian Grey?

"No, what's that?"

"Nothing, it's just. I've seen somebody with these marks before. She told me it was from a flogger."

"Who?"

"Just an old friend. I don't see her much any more." Mrs. Lincoln, I don't even have to ask. I pull my shirt back down and realize that there's a lot Christian hasn't told me. I look back up, finally gaining the courage to ask but when I look up, Christian leans in and kisses me. He slowly moves his hands near my face and I nod to let him know that's ok, his hands are warm and I tilt my head further into his embrace, kissing his thumb as he slowly caresses my bottom lip.

"I thought things were complicated."

"They are."

Christian leans back in, pressing his lips against mine as we both feel the intense emotion between the two of us. Every fiber of my being wants him in ways I've never wanted before, he forces his tongue between my lips and my hands are on his stomach, gripping his shirt and pulling him towards me. I want him and I know he wants me, leans gently presses us forward, pinning me between the couch and his body. His lips leave mine as he starts kissing my chin, leaving a trail down my neck as gently trades between soft sucking and swirling his tongue in small, slow circular motions. A let out a moan as he lifts my arms above my head pinning them down with his hand. I became very aware of why he was doing it, he didn't want me to touch him but there was some other reason, he held my wrist crossed as if they were tied up. I all of a sudden began to feel panicked, restricted and I broke my hands from his grip and pushed him off of me.

"Why did you do that? Why did you pin my hands like that?" I look at Christian who seems as shocked at my outburst as I am.

"I just wanted to make sure your hands didn't wander, I can't bear to be touched either, remember?"

"Oh, my wrist remember? You grabbed my wrist and I freaked out. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, we should probably get some sleep anyways."

Christian walked me to the spare room and gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek goodnight. It was the way he held my arms up, that particular way. There's something he isn't telling me and I'm going to find out. Unfortunately when I woke up the next day, I was told he was with Mrs. Lincoln. It's her, I know it is; she's abusing him, I just need to find a way to make him confess.


	5. Chapter 5: Birthdays

**Chapter Five**

* * *

. **.** .

 **Birthdays**

. **.**.

I can't believe the first half of the summer is already over, mom dropped me of at the Youth Center for my first day of the new program and I'm curious to know if Christian will actually show. Mia is waiting out front for me and she greets me the same way she does when I don't stay at her house, _'you ok?' 'how did last night go?' 'was Steve home?' 'did he try anything?' 'are you sure you're ok?'_ I love that Mia is so concerned about me but, the questions are becoming vexatious. I answer the same way I do every time she asks me, _'I'm fine, Mia.' 'It was alright, mom was home before he was.' 'I'm fine, I promise.'_ I left out the fact that he's getting angry and impatient with me. He's been talking to my mom everyday about wanting to see what Vegas was like but I keep telling mom I'll be a sophomore in high school and don't really feel like moving again before I get to experience a homecoming dance. I ask her if Christian is here, I thought I sound nonchalant enough but according to her laugh, I was the furthest thing. She gave me a huge hug and told me she'd seeing me during lunch, _I see what you did there Mia Grey._ I walk into the library and hear a familiar, " _nice to see you again Ana!"_ from Mr. Carrick as I sit at a table by myself; no Christian, no Mia and to my surprise, I'm even sad that Elliott is taking taekwondo.

"Is this seat taken?"

"Christian?" I turn around and see the familiar smiling face of Christian, "I didn't think you would actually come."

"Oh? Leave you in a library by yourself? I don't think so."

"Thank you for coming."

"Of course. How did it go last night?"

 _Oh great, same questions, different Grey._ I try not to roll my eyes at the question and hide my amusement at the similarities between him and Mia.

"Yes, everything was-"

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"What? Did I?"

Christian scoots his chair closer to mine, leaning in so his lips are right next to my ear, " _roll your eyes again and see what I do."_ I accept the challenge and roll my eyes in a very dramatic manner, I laugh until I see his face; he's seductively biting his bottom lip and closes in on my neck, gently biting it and I have to hold my breath to keep from moaning. I use his arms to push him away and remind him that his father and about eleven other students are in this classroom, seven of them who can't seem to stop gawking at us. He replies with a simple, " _I don't care,"_ and closes back on my neck, nibbling the spot right behind my ear causing me to giggle, then he works his tongue down and I take a sharp breath in, squeezing my thighs together.

"Christian please." I'm trying to whisper but the way his tongue is working on my neck is making it difficult.

"Apologize."

"No," I laugh at him always challenging me, "if you keep at it, I'll do it again."

He gently bites my earlobe and I realize challenging him was probably my first mistake, over the summer he's learned all my weak spots, spots I didn't even know existed. I look up at front and see Mr. Carrick about to turn around, I panic and try to gently push Christian away but he doesn't budge, I push him again with more force and he falls to the ground as Mr. Grey turns to face us. He laughs at the sight of my face, a very blushed red and Christian on the ground looking at me like I'm crazy. The other kids are laughing and Mr. Carrick calms everybody down as Christian gets back in his seat. " _I'm so sorry,"_ I mouth to him as I open my book to the pages his dad wrote on the board. He just laughs at me, shaking his head as he turns the pages.

Christian made it impossible to concentrate on anything; he pulled my seat closer to him so my legs were nestled between his and he'd take every opportunity to rub my thighs or wrap his arm around my waist and kiss my neck. I started reminiscing on the day his parents caught us making out; we were out on the boat, his parents were on the bow, Elliott and Mia were in the water seeing who could hold their breath longer while Christian and I were on the stern, feet dangling into the water when a cute little chaste kiss turned into a full blown make out section. It was Mr. Grey who cleared his throat and caught our attention, Christian jumped up and looked at his parents; it was the first time I ever saw him blush. We had a very long talk that day about everything any young teenager dreads, emotions, sex and respecting each others personal boundaries. It wouldn't have been that bad if Mrs. Grey didn't show us a video about sex and the emotional, physical and mental impact it has on naive young adults or that she brought Mia and Elliott in to see how they felt about our relationship. She even took it upon herself to inform my mother, she promised my mom that we never unsupervised and that Mia or Elliott had to be with us at all times. My mom heard nothing outside of, " _we found Christian and Ana kissing..."_ When Mrs. Grey left that day, my mom bombarded me with questions about Christian, " _is that why you want to go over there all the time?"_ " _how was is it? That was your first kiss right?"_ I told her that Christian was just a bonus to my friendship with Mia. I wasn't lying to her about Mia, she really has become my best friend. Whenever I stay the night, one of us always sneaks into the others room and we talk about everything and anything until we pass out; I can't even begin to imagine my life without the Grey's and I dread a day that I'll have to.

Mr. Carrick dismisses us for lunch but holds Christian back in class, I already know what they're talking about. I see Mia running up to me with a plate of baked goods and that instantly puts a smile on me: red velvet cupcakes with a cream cheese filling, pistachio macaroons, lemon tart with a white fluffy souffle and a simple vanilla cream cake; before she can even ask if I want anything I stuff the red velvet into my mouth. " _Oh my God, so good Mia!"_ I say with a mouth full, I lift my hand to grab the lemon tart but she slaps it away, " _Christians!"_ is all she had to say to make him pop his head out of the classroom. He grabs the tart and takes the smallest slowest bite anybody could ever imagine, I can't help but pull his hand to me and take a bite of half the tart. It was so good, the perfect amount of crisp and flakiness and the topping just melted in my mouth; if Christian weren't standing here, it would have made me roll my eyes back.

"What happen?" I ask Christian while he's still looking at me in disbelief.

"You ate my tart."

"Good boy, you're observing things really well."

"Are you getting smart with me Anastasia?" We laugh and I urge Christian to tell us what happen. "No more P.D.A in class." He shrugs as he finishes his tart and we walk to the lunch hall.

Elliott waved us to a table as soon as we arrived and Mia whispered about the new blonde sitting next to him. There were a lot of random girls who came over to our table to introduce themselves and to say hi to Elliott and Christian. I felt bad for the blonde at our table, Elliott was more than happy to oblige all the girls around us while Christian's eyes never left me. It could have been a perfect day but of course, perfection isn't real.

"Ana I need to tell you something."

"What's wrong?"

"I have to leave early."

"Why?" I try not to look like I care too much by keeping my eyes on my book but, it upsets me a little. I wont be able to stay the night and I wanted as much time with Christian as I can.

"Listen, I'm not sure how to say this but El-"

"Christian dear, are you ready to leave?"

 _Holy shit!_ I turn around and stare right into the cold eyes of Elena fucking Lincoln. I turn back around to look at Christian but he's already gathering his things, he kisses my cheek and lets me know he'll call me when he gets home. I want to burst into tears but, I just look back at my book trying to remain calm in front of everybody whose eyes are all over Elena and Christian. _Keep your shit together Steele, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry._ I take a deep breath and read the same sentence over and over, _"As I was the last to leave, I saw her sink down into her chair and bury her head in her arms. Had her conduct been more friendly toward me, I would have felt sorry for her. She was a pretty little thing."_ Maybe it's just my imagination but, is Harper Lee mocking me right now? I shake the unnerving and somewhat humors thought from my mind and fill out my paper from Mr. Carrick.

It's eight thirty at night and Christian hasn't called, not that I'm waiting or even care; I was simply making an observation. Mom asked me questions about the new program and for the first, Steve seemed genuinely interested. He has oddly been in a good mood and I really don't understand why, the only thing that seemed to change was the fact that he worked more hours lately; they were odd hours but it got him out of the house so I don't complain. He's a hard man to understand, he's happy to be working more hours but still presses the idea of moving; in fact, since he started working more, he presses the issue even more. Mom distracts me from my thoughts as she asks about Christian, I notice in the corner of my eye that Steve rolled his eyes at the mention of him.

"He's good, he left early today though."

"To be with Elena? Mrs. Lincoln I mean."

 _How the hell did you get that piece of information?_

"Yea, how did you know that?"

"Oh, Carrick was mentioning that he helps over there a lot."

"Oh."

Mom changes the subject to dessert she made, that means bought and put in the freezer; when she adds whip cream, she's really over-exerted herself. I laugh as she turns spraying cream on a piece of pie into a work of art. _'Just spray in on there mom, it doesn't have to look good.'_ We laugh as she gives up and just makes one big messy swirl. It's no dessert at the Grey's but it's home and for a split second, it felt good to be here. We laughed and joked for a couple hours at the table and for the first time in the last two years, I didn't completely hate Steve; don't get me wrong, I still didn't like him but I didn't hate him right now either. When mom mentioned she had an early meeting, that meant it was time for me to go sleep too. We said good night and I withdrew to my bedroom, closing my door and locking it before I fired up the laptop and signed into my IM account.

 **Analikes2read logged on.**

 **CGrey88 logged on.**

 **CGrey88: Are you mad at me?**

 _I know your asking because you know I am._

 **Analikes2read: Nope, I'm over it.**

 **CGrey88: I'm sorry, she really needed my help with something.**

 **Analikes2read: Something like what?**

 **CGrey88: Ana please, I told you things were complicated.**

 **Analikes2read: You keep saying that but you aren't actually telling me what's complicated.**

 **CGrey88: I told you there were things I couldn't tell you.**

 **Analikes2read: That's right, I share everything about me while you keep all your secrets to yourself.**

 **CGrey88: Have you shared everything about you? Last time I checked, you don't own any gym ropes at your house.**

 **Analikes2read: You don't actually know that.**

 **CGrey88: I've talked to Steve.**

 _Wait what? How would that conversation even come up?_ If I wasn't so concerned about Christian being at Elena's, I would have asked but that's the least of my worries.

 **Analikes2read: What did you do over there?**

 **CGrey88: I told you, I was helping her with somethings.**

 **Analikes2read: WHAT THINGS CHRISTIAN!**

 **CGrey88: Ana, don't cyber yell at me.**

I try to stifle a laugh but I can't help but smile. Even from a distance he knows how to put a smile on my face.

 **CGrey88: I love when you smile, you know that?**

I look around the room and shake my head, of course he isn't here.

 **Analikes2read: I wasn't smiling.**

 **CGrey88: Even in cyber world your a bad liar.**

 **Analikes2read: Oh shut up. How many times will you be leaving early?**

 **CGrey88: Everyday**

I was about to respond when my door unlocked and the door slightly opened ajar, Steve was standing there with a smile on his face and a key in his hand. " _I changed the locks sweet Ana and I've missed you so much."_ Before I could react, he closed the door behind him and grabbed me, quickly holding a knife to my neck and challenged me to scream. " _If you so much as peep Ana, I will slit your throat and as you lay bleeding out, I'll fuck you. Your last memory will be me stuffed in that tight little hole of yours."_ I gasp in horror and fight back my emotions, this can't be happening to me. _"I've learned some new tricks Ana and I want to do them with you but, you have to earn back my trust,"_ he whispered in my ear as he tied me to my bed frame. The ping of my IM went off and without reading it, he closed the laptop and geared his attention back on me. Everything from that point on seemed to play out in a slow motion blur; I only revisited the memories in my deepest darkest nightmares.

. **.** .

Just like that, everything around me crumbled, I promised Steve I would no longer go to the Grey's house and every night he would enter my room and once again, my body was the playground for the sadistic dark man that is Stephen Morton. He explored more of my body every night, never actually penetrating me with his manhood but he'd get closer and closer as the days went by. Christian went from leaving early to days where he wouldn't even show up; we were growing apart but that pull between us was always present. I acted as normal as I could around Mia and my lies became believable; she thought things were going so well that she stopped asking me her routine questions in the morning. The summer went by fast and I knew the days were coming when I wouldn't see Mia at all, my only saving grace came when I visited Ray for a week. I kept in touch with Mia on my IM but, Christian rarely ever logged on.

 **Miababy0102:** how's everything with ur dad?

 **Analikes2read:** Great! We had dinner with an old friend of his.

 **Miababy0102:** ana, that sounds super boring! Lol

 **Analikes2read:** It wasn't that bad, he has a son around my age who kept me company.

 **Miababy0102:** I want to be happy for u but what about Christian?

 **Analikes2read:** It wasn't like that Mia! We played scrabble and waited for our dads to stop talking about the military. How is Christian, he hasn't been talking to me. Did I do something wrong?

 **Miababy0102:** He's been working at Elena's house a lot lately. She apparently needs somethings done before the school year starts.

 **Analikes2read:** Speaking of school year, my birthday is coming up next month.

I contemplate pressing 'send' because I know Mia is going to make a big deal out of this and I really don't want her to, with a sigh I press the button and wait for a reply.

 **Miababy0102:** OMG! What are we going to do!?

 **Analikes2read:** I was really hoping we could just spend one last night at your house, I don't want to make a big deal out of it.

 **Miababy0102:** of course not...

 **Miababy0102:** whats ur fav. Cake and meal?

 **Analikes2read:** Mia! Seriously, I just want to get away from my mom and Steve.

 **Miababy0102:** wait, is he hurting you again?!

 **Analikes2read:** No, just all the lovey dovey stuff between my mom and him is making me nauseous.

 **Miababy0102:** lol, seriously tho, whats ur fav cake and food?

 **Analikes2read:** I don't know, that cupcake was really good. Seriously Mia, I don't want to do a lot ok?

 **Miababy0102:** ok ok, I promise.

 **CGrey88 has logged on.**

 **CGrey88:** Ana?

 **Analikes2read:** Hey Mia, call me tonight. Your brother just logged on.

 **Miababy0102:** good luck with that! Ttyl!

 **Analikes2read:** Christian?

 **CGrey88:** Can we talk?

 **Analikes2read:** If you're going to tell me that what we had is officially over, I got that by now.

 **CGrey88:** It's not like that Ana. I want to be with you, I just can't right now.

 **Analikes2read:** I get it Christian, it's fine.

 **CGrey88:** I'm sorry.

 **Analikes2read has logged off.**

. **.**.

The week with Ray went by so quickly that I didn't want to leave. I couldn't help but spend the drive back to Seattle thinking about Jose, it was nice hanging out with him; he was into art and liked taking pictures and by the few pieces I saw, he's got a lot of talent. He also made me laugh, a lot. It was nice being around someone who wasn't a constant tidal wave of various emotions every other second; hopefully I'll see him next month when I come to visit Ray. I made the mistake of mentioning Jose to my mom and she was instantly curious and suspicious, _"what about Christian?"_ I had to explain to her that we barely talk anymore and he's been so busy he doesn't even come to the program. She seems worried so I distract her with my plans for going to the Grey's for my birthday, I told her I would spend my actual birthday with her but, Mia wanted to have one last weekend with me before the school year starts; she seems a little hurt but agrees.

. **.** .

The first week of sophomore year is already almost over and today is my birthday, I stop and contemplate what fifteen is supposed to feel like; I've decided I have no time to think about it, I see Christian for the first time since before I left for Ray's over the summer and I honestly have no idea what to expect. When I returned from Montesano, he was never at the Youth Center and only messaged me one time; other than that, it seemed like he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Mia and I had a silent contract not to mention his name and I think she's as mad at him as I am. I remember when I got back, the first thing she said to me was that she was sorry about her doofus brother and that pretty much summed up everything I needed to know about his relationship with me; we haven't talked about him since.

The last bell of the day interrupted my train of thought and I was excited to leave school and go home for a change.

"Happy birthday Ana!"

I turn around and Mia is standing there next to Elliott and Christian with a big smile on her face.

"Oh my God Mia! What are you doing here?"

"Well, we talked to your mom and convinced her to let us steal you away after school."

"Really? I thought I was spending today and tonight with her."

"Change of plans love, now lets get your stuff and get out of here!"

They walk me to my locker where my new friend Ethan was standing there waiting for me, he held a small little cupcake in his hand and started singing me happy birthday; when he was finished, I took the cupcake and gave him a small and quick kiss on the cheek. I thanked him and we talked momentarily before his sister showed up and swept him away.

"Uhm, who was that?!" Mia couldn't help but stare at Ethan as he walked away, I saw Christian roll his eyes and I can tell he was pissed.

"Just a friend, we have a few classes together."

"A week into the school year and you already got men serenading you with food and song!"

"Mia! It was a birthday song and a cupcake."

I laugh at how ridiculous she sounds while I grab my stuff, Elliott reaches over my arm and takes a big bite out of my cupcake and before he pulls away, I smash the rest of it in his face as Mia and I run to the car laughing and teasing. I wasn't a big fan of Elliott when I first met him but, after spending so much time with them during the summer, he grew on me. There were a lot of things I didn't know before, like he's really into architecture; he creates and builds houses with habitat for humanity and even volunteers at an orphanage during his weekends. There were times when Christian would be gone that he'd sit with Mia and I, he'd talk about building a homeless community and an outreach program for older kids who aren't getting adopted; a transition for when the system is about to kick them out, they can get some help getting on their feet. I was also grateful that he would volunteer to pick me up or drive me home when my mom had to work. I never told him about Steve but, he had a feeling and would go out of the way to help me. I've thought about telling him when he was dripping me home one night but, he always told me he didn't need the full story. I've learned to appreciate his friendly banter and pranks; he seemed to be all about fun and jokes but, there was a dark side to him too and there were a few times he was going to tell me about his past but, I extended the same courtesy he showed me.

"Who was that girl near your friend?" Elliott asked as we were pulling up to the house.

"Friend?"

"That Nathan kid."

"Oh, you mean Ethan. That's Kate, his sister."

"You hang out with her?"

"Are you trying to get me to set you up with Kate?

"She's cute."

"Uhm, no. I'm not going to help you get a girl."

We got out of the car and walked inside, I couldn't help but wonder if my mom was ok; I know we haven't been getting along but, I was positive she'd want to spend my birthday with me.

"Happy Birthday!" As I turned the corner into the living room I saw my mom, Ray, Mr. Rodriguez and his son Jose, Mr. and Mrs. Grey and even Mr. and Mrs. Trevelyan. I look over at Christian whose eyeing Jose but everybody starts passing me around for hugs before I can make out his expression.

"I told you I'd see you again Ana."

"Jose, I can't believe you're here. Thank you so much for coming."

He gives me a small peck on the cheek before Mrs. Grey leads us into the dinning room for a meal Mia put together. I give Mia a hug and thanked her before we sit down to the feast of chicken, fish, baked macaroni, sweet potatoes, an assortment of vegetables and some homemade rolls; she leans over to me and tells me she didn't know what I liked so, she chose a few options for me. I laugh and tell her everything is perfect and thank her once again.

The rest of the night was perfect, mom informed me that Steve wanted to be here but had to work and before I opened my gifts, we had a night full of jokes and laughter. Ray and my mom shared embarrassing childhood memories of me and Mr. and Mrs. Grey toasted to my next chapter in life and how I've become so close they consider me one of their own. When I thought things couldn't get any better, Mia brought out a huge cake replicating the red velvet cupcake she baked during the summer and everybody sang 'happy birthday' to me.

I could tell mom and Ray didn't want to leave but, it was going on eleven o'clock and Mr. Rodriguez joked that if they stay any longer, he'll fall asleep on the Grey's couch. I kissed my mom and Ray bye and gave Jose a big hug before we promised to keep in touch. While the maid was cleaning Mr. and Mrs. Grey gave us all hugs and sweet goodnight kisses on our heads before going upstairs to sleep.

"Did you enjoy your time Ana?"

"That was perfect Mia, thank you so much."

"So, that was Jose huh?"

"Yea, wasn't he a sweetheart?"

"He was cute! That's what he was."

"Mia! First Ethan now Jose? Don't make me put a leash on you!"

"Before we forget." Elliott sits up and hands me a small box with my name on it.

"What is this?"

"Well, since I'm apparently your personal driver now and my siblings have some diabolical plan to turn you into a Grey. We figured you could use a way to call us."

I open the box to see a brand new cellphone and to both of our surprise and amusement, I jump on Elliott and give him a hug and thanking him about a thousand times.

"This is perfect!"

"It's all charged and all of our numbers are already in the contacts." Mia chimed in as I gave her a hug next. I just kind of stared at Christian waiting for some kind of approval.

"Come on." He stands up and opens his arms to me; It felt so good to be in his embrace again, when he pulled away, I had to stop myself from stepping toward him again.

"Movie time?" I can always count on Elliott to move things along before they get too awkward.

In the nature of traditions, Mia fell asleep long before the movie even started and Elliott's phone was a non stop buzz from text messages. He told us good night and wished me happy birthday one last time before carrying Mia upstairs. I looked at Christian for a second who never took his eyes of the TV, it's my birthday and I decided I'm not going to deal with this.

"Thanks again for the phone, I'm going to get some sleep." As I stand up he reaches out and grabs my hand.

"I really miss you Ana."

"You don't act-"

Before I could finish my sentence or react, Christian pulled me down on his lap and into a kiss. His hands wrapped around my waist and my hands tugging at his hair, he lifted us out of the chair and walked to the couch, laying me down and getting in between my legs without pulling away from the kiss. His hands started exploring more, moving under my shirt and softly caressing my sides. He broke away for a second and asked if that was ok; I nodded as he started kissing down my neck, stopping at the spots he knew would drive me crazy. His name came out between moans as he worked his hand up my shirt, caressing my breast before pulling them out of my bra and gently pinching my nipples. Although I've had this done to me before, my body has never known pleasure until this very moment. I look down at Christian whose head is near my chest, looking up for a silent approval, I nod my head yes and he starts licking, swirling his tongue around my already engorged nipple. My hand is pulling at his hair and my legs wrapped around his waist, he kisses lower, slowly kissing my scars as he goes down to the buckle of pants and kisses my hip. His hand goes to my zipper and my body starts to tense, panic raising inside.

"Christian wait. I'm not ready for that yet." He stops and scrambles up to his feet quickly.

"I'm sorry, I got carried away. We wont do anything your not ready to."

"Aren't you scared to lose your virginity?"

"I'm... I'm not a virgin Ana."

That one little sentence changed everything; Elena isn't beating him, she's raping him.

"It was Elena, wasn't it?"

"Ana, I'm not having this conversation." He turned to leave but I grab his arm. "Ana let go of me." His eyes are dark and any sane person would have let him go but, apparently I have a little crazy in me.

"No Christian, I thought when you knew what a flogger was that Elena was just beating you but, it's more isn't it. She's doing more, isn't she?"

"Excuse me? Stop talking about her Ana."

"No, what aren't you telling me. Why did you know what a flogger is? Who did you lose your virginity to?"

He stepped forward and I could tell I was walking on dangerous ground.

"You told me you didn't know what a flogger was so, what aren't you telling me?"

"She's hitting you too isn't she, she's tying you up and hitting you?" Christian steps forward again, hands balled into a fist near his side and I take a step back.

"Don't go there Ana."

"Is she abusing you too?"

"She doesn't abuse me."

"She's tying you up too, isn't she? What else has she done Christian?" My voice was octaves higher than it should be and I'm not sure if I wanted to scream because I was mad or hurt.

"Too? Is that what Steve is doing to you?"

"What?" _Did I say too? Wait, this isn't about me,_ "This isn't about me Christian, is she beating you? Did she rape you?"

"She doesn't do anything I don't want done!"

I stop for a moment, trying to process what's going on. _Wait._ Is he offending his abuser?

. **.** .


End file.
